When I Look Back, I Wanna Be Able To Say....

I'm especially happy at this very moment because the smell of evergreen is filling my living room, Nickle Creek is serenading me, my pup is snuggled up next to me, and my dad is snoring away in his chair. Home is good to me right now. I foresee this break being good for me. Nothing to worry about, only fun to be had.

Life is good. We have a tendency to take things way too seriously. I might know this better than some. So I guess my goal this Christmas is to simplify my thoughts and actions. I wanna take people's word exactly the way they tell it to me, I wanna stop analyzing everything, and I wanna be exactly who I was made to be. I just wanna enjoy the simple things like the smell of a Christmas tree, or the sound of a banjo, or just sitting with my parents watching tv (even though they're both already asleep). I wanna experience Jesus in a new way. I think it'll be alot simpler than I've been making it. Just me and Him. My validation is in Him alone.

When I look back, I wanna be able to say that I never took a single thing for granted and that I found myself.

LIFE

I'm in the process of having a major revelation. It's not one of those things were a light bulb just goes off and you have some crazy wave of clarity. No, this is more like one of those flashlights you have to shake before you turn it on. Yeah yeah. Im shaking things up so I can see the light.

So here's this single statement that I'm beginning to understand:

Live life doing what you love to do.

Simple right? I thought so but not so much. I thought I could love alot of things. What I'm discovering is that I can like alot of things but I can only truely love a few. And I thought I could come to love things that other people love. But that's not really how it works. You can only truely love something when you experience it because you want to experience it. That's when the love is cultivated inside you. When you come to love something completely on your own.

So I think the trick is to figure out what you really love and be really good at it. Even if it's one thing. People are not all-purpose flour. Nope, we're one tiny ingredient in a really complicated recipe. Like nutmeg. Nutmeg can never be salt or basil or chocolate. Nope, nutmeg can only be nutmeg. But what nutmeg needs to realize is that she's very special to the final product.

So do what you love and do it well. Make this life your own.

Birthday Week!

So today was the start of my birthday week! I'm really bad about milking my birthday for all it's worth. A month after my birthday you'll probably catch me saying "Yes you have to do that for me, it's my birthday." I stretch it out for as long as I can. Especially this one cause I'm turning 21!!!! Wahooooooo! This is like the last happy milestone. After this you're birthdays really only signify the fact you're aging. 30, 40, 50....groooosssss. So yeah, I'll definitely be dragging this one out.

I bought myself a handheld gps yesterday in honor of the occasion. It was #96 on the list I believe. I've been wanting this device for quite some time now. This is not like a car gps, it's the kind you plug coordinates into. You know, latitude and longitude (pronounced lat-it-tatude and long-it-tude according to my scholarly roomate). Sole purpose: geocaching!!!! It's basically high-tech treasure hunting. You enter coordinates found on the official geocaching website into your gps and then go out and find the caches. It's pretty much awesome. So today we went on our first geocaching excursion in Athens! We found 2/4. Not too bad for our first adventure. I see this becoming a serious hobby among me and my friends. At least I hope it does.

This week shall prove to be crazy. First test of the semester tomorrow (don't even wanna talk about my lack of preperation), second test Wednesday, John Mayer concert Wednesday night (oh yeeeessssss. I have a pretty great best friend), birthday dinner on Thursday followed by dessert and dancing, more dancing Friday, and the prospect of a very spontaneous activity on Saturday (it's a secret). And geocaching in between alllllll that. Happy Birthday to me :)

Just Go.

Just Go. Stop worrying. I will equip you and clothe you in warrior's armor. You'll never be disappointed if you stick with me. I'm faithful. So faithful. Just Go, says the Lord. Trust.

Recent conversations have made me aware of the fact that I sometimes allow my past to govern my hopes for the future. My fear of abandonment leaves me feeling insecure and anxious. I find myself internalizing little details that mean nothing. I fear that what worries me won't cause my friend to think twice. I find myself always planning because if I don't people wont call. All of these thoughts put more links in the chains that suffocate my joy.

I'm fighting right now. Really hard. And He's screaming at me to just go. To run. Run away from these lies. So I'm not just shadowboxing, I run with purpose in every step.

Be the rock on the edge of the cliff. Just Go.

This one is just for me. No understanding necessary.

The Furnace

Ok, so it's been a while. A long while. My apologies. Im just going through a season where I can't really talk about all the things going on inside of me. It's not that I don't what to it's that I do not possess the ability to do so. I can't convey things in a way that does them justice so I just don't. But I feel like writing this post may be a good start, so here it goes...

Summer. It's a day away from being over. Wow. It changed me. My mentality, my daily posture, my thought process, my approach to problems and people. All drastically different. A friend told me that I was the most gold personality that she knows. (For those of you that don't know, gold represents someone who is routine oriented, efficient, analytical, and stable.) I couldn't agree more. In layman's terms, I have a tendency to overthink and plan way too much. This summer started a revolution. A revolution of fighting the planner in me. A revolution of fighting my desire for stability and acceptance and practicality. I was throw into a group of people that I didn't know and that didn't know me. But God revealed a gift He's given me through that situation. When I put my gaurd down and let people in and just "go with the flow," I make friends really easily. Awesome friends.

I learned alot about being vulnerable this summer. That's all I can say right now.

I learned alot about battling and seeking.

I found people that wanted to be my family. Thank you WH and LOTH.

I learned that I am not dependant on Him the way I need to be.

I learned what having a servant's heart really means. It's a work in progress.

And I learned, above all else, that He is faithful. So so faithful. Even when I can't see through my own skepticism.

Communication with friends from school was limited and it needed to be that way. It made me realize that I let them lead me sometimes when He wants to lead me. Not ok. I blazed my own trail this summer. Hacking through a jungle of fear and frustration by yourself will teach you how to rely on God. Now Im surrounded by my friends once again. But Im having alot of trouble stepping out of the jungle mentality. Things are different and Im adjusting. I'll get there.

He put me through a furnace this summer. Refining me and showing me the person He desires me to be. I think this year is going to be a continuation of that refinement process. He's been so good, so so good to me! Cause He picked me up and He turned me around and He placed my feet on that solid ground. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!



My soul is flooded with joy :)



#24-Our house is a home :) Funny what a little paint can do.

#83-Thank you Anne Harper for allowing me to tangle your hair in the process.

#86-My Karis journal might be the best thing Im bringing back from the summer.

#105 from the expanded list-Happening tomorrow :)

Praise The Lord

Psalms 111-117 all begin with some form of thanking God and end with the phrase "Praise the Lord."

Sometimes that's all I know to say. Nothing else I could say would be of any worth. And I've certainly learned that rambling in prayer is like seeing the same commercial over and over and over again. Pretty soon, you can recite all the dialogue in the commercial. When I ramble, prayer becomes like commercial dialogue. Old, boring, and I don't really pay attention to what I'm saying. So I decided: When I have nothing to pray, I'll simply choose to praise. Catchy don't you think?

#74-You stand on one side of a river with a fox, a chicken, and a bag of grain. Using a small boat you must transport all these things across the river. You can only take one item at a time. The problem is you can't leave the fox with the chicken while you take the grain because the chicken will get eaten by the fox. And you can't leave the grain with the chicken while you take the fox because the chicken will eat the grain. How do you get the fox, the chicken, and the grain across the river intact and alive?

Got it all by myself :)

Oh Yeah, #43

I forgot. I got a new haircut. Im pretty satisfied with it. I've been experimenting. Straight, curly, headband, bandana, up, down. So far I like it all :)

Preperation

I'm not prepared. Which, if you don't know, is not my style. I'm not prepared for what I feel at this very moment. It's caught me off gaurd. A total blindside attack. Here it is:

I leave for school in less than a month.

The school part isn't the problem. It's what I'm leaving behind. I feel like Im leaving my post and once I'm gone things are going to go back to the way they were.

Trust. ""And I am certain that God, who began the good work within in you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ returns."-Phil 1:6 and "For we are each responsible for our own conduct."-Gal 6:5

That's what I'm going on. We were made to glorify Him. He won't allow us to be any less than what He has made us to be.

Mi Favoritos - #60

My Favorite...

Food: Pad Thai

Drink: Cran Lime from Sonic

Song: Make You Feel My Love sung by Adele/Your Love Is Strong -Jon Foreman (It's a tie...)

Band: John Butler Trio

Candy: Coconut M&M's (recent discovery)

Color: Yellow (although, everything I buy ends up being green)

Movie: Under The Tuscan Sun

Activity: Hiking

Place: The Indian Seats

Clothing: Chacos

Book: East of Eden by John Steinbeck

Book of the Bible: Ephesians

Quote: "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sport: Baseball

Team: Braves

Pastime: Letter writing

Person: My Grandma (Please don't be upset, I love you all but you just have to know this woman.)

Invasion

I used to think that if I couldn't feel God in a particular place that it was just always gonna be like that. I thought there are just some places that I function spiritually better than others. That was the case with Cumming, GA.

I need Him here though just like I need Him everywhere else. And this is/ has been my current location for the summer. Dilemma.

A friend challenged me to pray for something I wouldn't normally pray for. So I prayed for Jesus to show up here. Sounds kinda dumb because He's everywhere all the time but for me, I would never think of being like "Jesus, you wanna get yourself over here?" I thought it would be a "rude" thing to ask for. Thinking to myself, oh He's got more important stuff going on, he'll get here when he can. Maybe you don't understand. But anyways, I realized that what I was doing was limiting Him. So, in the spirit of a friendly challenge (and desperation), I asked Him to invade this place. An invasion is indeed taking place. No prayer is dumb. No thing, no matter how small, is too insignificant for him.

#85-Left it in the prayer room at the wh.

Sunnyflowers - #68

Sunnyflowers with beautiful friends, Meels and Mags :)

In The Bubble

It's official: I'm in the bubble. I have a sharpie tattoo on my hand to prove it. It's nice. Knowing and feeling like you're apart of something. Something that people didn't have to let you be apart of. Something you could have easily been excluded from. Something people said you could be apart of but really, they have their hand against your chest the whole time holding you at a distance. Not this time. Here, I'm an inductee.

So most of you know I'm interning at The Warehouse this summer. It's been awesome so far. But completely not what i expected. Going into this summer I just felt like I needed to do something to prove to God how serious I was about living my life for Him. I felt like I needed to do some great thing to make Him proud and really affirm this new faith I have. I saw all of my friends planning mission trips or working at camps and I was like "Ok, I gotta do something good too." For a little while I thought I was gonna go to India. EHHHH! (Buzzer noise) Then i thought I'd work at camp. Strike two. Then God led me to The Warehouse. So I just assumed I was gonna take on this awesome leadership role and I was gonna do so much stuff to help them out. Wrong, in a way. I have been able to do stuff to help them but to be honest, they've helped me out more than I could have ever imagined.

Something I was seriously lacking here in Cumming was a community. People who were gonna pray for me and support me and help me grow. I'm getting that through these people. They've really only known me for a month and already I feel like I'm one of them. Like no questions. I'm in the bubble. This whole time I've been so concerned with what can I do, do, do and God was like just be, be, be. My mom hit the nail on the head the other day. She said " You're a big picture person. You catch a glimpse of a big dream or plan for your life and you go for it. Not really allowing God to lead you through the steps that are gonna prepare you for those things to become reality." Bam. Truth. It's like I see the prize on the other side of the gap and just jump, not giving any thought to the bridge that's ten feet to the right.

It's a prayerful night. New responsibilities at The Warehouse, financial junk, the team's Jamaica trip next week, Ginger's last night at Winshape, and various other things. Friends come tomorrow! PTL, G2G, and BYH.

Clocking Out

Ok, so I've been working at a kid's camp all week at The Warehouse (where I'm interning) and I can honestly say this is the most tired I have ever been. Let me paint a picture for you:

I'm teaching sports camp to about 45 five and six year olds in 95 degree, blazing hot weather from 8-4. When we're not in our classes, we're inside with the rest of the kids. All in all, there's about 85 campers.

It's hot. It's tiring. It's awesome. The kids are so amazing. I've always liked little kids but never really thought I had a huge heart for them...until this week. I'm having a blast running around with them, playing games with them, holding them. Something really dawned on me though today. At one point I had about four kids tugging on me to take them to the bathroom, another couple crying cause someone stole a toy from them, and then another one jumping on me for a piggyback ride. And no one was helping me. Ahhhhh. Craziness. I was ready to just shake all of them off and lock myself in the office. But I couldn't. I had to do my job. I had to get the four doing the potty dance to the bathroom and get the other ones to stop crying all while carrying the one who wanted a piggyback ride. It all worked out. No pee pee accidents. But I started thinking, God has all of these people tugging at him all the time. Someone praying for this or asking for that. All the time. And He never runs to the office, locks the door, and hides the key. He doesn't get to send all his kids home when 4 pm roles around. He's there 24/7, 365. And the crazier thing is that He wants a real relationship with every person tugging on him and and even the ones who aren't. He wants to be everyone's best friend. I know one thing for sure, God was not the inventor of time cards. I am completely and utterly amazed by Him.

Number 25 and 26

Recap:

#25- Play 18 holes of frisbee golf. It wasn't pretty but T Mart and I played a full round of frolf at Will's park today. It's a sport I would love to get better at. Currently, however, my disks have an affinity for water.

#26-Go to the farmer's market. Went to the farmer's market last weekend in Athens with friends. I felt granola and it was awesome. Walked around and examined vegetables, as if I knew what I was looking for, picked out some pretty flowers with the roomie, and sipped on a mango limeade. Delicious. Capped it all off by throwing the frisbee around. I feel like that's a typical day in Athens for the true granola cruncher.

Identity

This is a question I've wrestled with for a while and a question I know many of my friends have been confronted with as well. It won't be answered in this post or any time in the near future. Who is God in my life?

Think about the father figure in your life. Under the umbrella of "Dad" there is the provider, the care-giver, the encourager, the comforter, the protector, and the disciplinary. We call God Father but for me, I've never actually identified him as all of these things. Under the canopy of God the Father there is the protector, the redeemer, the jealous lover, the healer, the defender, the comforter, the savior, and the disciplinary. God is all of those and more. He's everything. But unlike my earthly father, I haven't been able to truly grasp all that he is. I can't yet call him "Dad" in the full confidence that I understand every role that that title entails. God to me has always been the redeemer. He has redeemed from who I once was and is teaching me about who he wants me to be. I haven't yet come to know him as my lover or as my healer or the many other things he is. I definitely want to know him as all of those things but I just haven't been able to wrap my head around it. I pray that during different stages in my life I will come to know all of God's roles. I don't know. It's just something that's on my mind alot. Because it's like the person who knows me best is in a way still a mystery to me.

More to come on this...

SHOTGUN!

Today I learned why the passenger seat is called shotgun. Apparently, in the days of the horse and buggy, there was a driver and next to him there was a person who held a shotgun. Whoever was riding shotgun was the defense against outlaws trying to steal the mulah or kidnap Daisy Mae.

Today shotgun is obviously the most coveted spot in the car (unless your dumb like some of my friends who call "backsies" and force the driver to chauffeur). So just to clarify, here are the rules of calling shotgun: http://www.shotgunrules.com/. Intense.

Standing On Home Plate

So the other night I was feeling slightly discouraged. Things just weren't going the way I had planned they would. Home wasn't all I was expecting it to be. Internship stuff wasn't taking off the way I had assumed it would. I needed some J-man time (term coined by Amelia Morgan). So I drove out to the softball field at my high school. A place that was very familiar, very comfortable, and very reliable. A place were I had always been sure of myself.

So I hopped the fence. I walked around the bases. I prayed. Praying and walking. This is actually a challenge that had been presented to me. So I did it. I circled the bases asking God why I was here. Why I was home. Why he lead me to The Warehouse to intern. Obviously things weren't moving very fast. Bump after bump kept coming up, preventing me from really getting started. So was I really even supposed to be there? "I need a sign" I said. Stop. So I stopped walking. Then I looked down. I was standing on home plate. I had been so busy planning, expecting, and assuming that I had forgotten to look down. I was right where I needed to be. The place where runs are scored, big plays are made, and games are won. The place the coach puts you when he trusts you can get the job done. So once again, I hopped the fence, got in my car, and drove home, recklessly trusting that He was right.

I got an email that night from the director of the ministry. In more words, confirming that I am supposed to be there. Today was my first full day. He was right. Im right where Im supposed to be. Trust that He puts us where He wants us. Just look down and you'll see.

Keep It Simple

Recently I have been reminded of how much joy I get from simple things. Maybe it's because recently I've been feeling a little light in the wallet and have had to find alternative means of entertainment, but no matter. I'm glad. Driving, getting a letter from my best friend, writing a letter, listening to the rain, eating homemade ice cream while sitting in rocking chairs, picking wild blackberries, my bed at home, opening the fridge and having more than two options of things to eat, my "house smell," laying on the couch with my dog, spending hours at the lake fishing (sometimes in complete silence), throwing a Frisbee, writing with a good pen, a picnic. All of these things are so simple. They don't require skill. They don't require any real effort. They don't require money. And they give me so much joy. I think it's because they are mindless things. Have you ever thought about how the things that are supposed to make us happy (having money, having a good job, having nice things) are often the things most capable of stealing our joy. They cause stress. And stress=worry=joy slipping away. Simple, mindless things allow me to just enjoy the moment. Forget about everything else. It's the best time for me to meet with God. Simple, mindless things clear my head of all the stresses of life and allow Him to completely invade my thoughts. When He invades my thoughts I can't help being joyful. Because all i can think about is how wonderfully amazing His love is.

Home is here. I said bye bye to Athens and hello to Cumming. And you know what, it feels good. I'm gonna have so much time to enjoy the simple things. Enjoy His presence. He longs for me and I for Him.

I'm christening my new journal tonight. It's the one I made. Yes. Another simple pleasure: starting a new journal. It's gonna be a great night.

P.S-I made a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. I'm gonna blog about them as I complete them.

#32-Went to Jackson Street Bookstore about a week ago. Very very cool place. Didn't buy anything. To be honest I was a little overwhelmed. But I felt smarter walking around in there. It smelled smart.

#42-New watch. Done. Purchased a watch from Helix downtown, a very trendy store.

#54-Picking berries and making a pie. This came much sooner than expected. It actually ended up being a cobbler which is still honorable in my book. We picked wild blackberries at my friends house and then made a delicious cobbler which was enjoyed along side vanilla ice cream :)

Shout Out

This is a shout out to AMELIA MORGAN. Over the course of the past month she has infiltrated and destroyed my blockade against the social technology scene. I am now the proud owner of a blog and a twitter. And to be honest...I have been missing out. I've also made a bucket list of my very own in the wake of her influence. So here's to you friend, you and your persuasive aura.

Signatures

" We are, by your design, signature of divine."-Needtobreathe

I was signing a letter to a friend yesterday and the song Signature of Divine by Needtobreathe popped into my head. I began to think about signatures. Signatures carry quite a bit of weight when you think about it. I consider my signature to be a representation of who I am and the kinds of things I stand for. I sign letters, contracts, honesty policies on tests, autographs (well maybe someday haha), all kinds of things. By signing my name to something I am saying I agree or I claim something. My signature is a stamp of my values and reputation. It signifies promises. If I break those promises, my signature loses its value and purpose.

We are God's signature. We were created to immulate Him here on Earth, to be signs of the promises he has made. Just as we take pride in our signatures, God takes pride in us and has confidence in us to stand for what He stands for. We represent more than just ourselves.

everyBODY in the BODY

1 Corinthians 12

People have told me all my life "It doesn't matter what other people think, you can make your own decisions." Yes, this is true. I can choose to make decisions completly on my own. I have the ablity to weigh options, examine pros and cons, and make an informed decision on just about any issue. I have the choice of going against the advice of friends, family, and even God. I am naturally a very INdependent person. Key:IN. I was always looking INside myself to find strength and comfort. Putting so much pressure on myself to make the "right" decisions. Convinced that all the answers were IN me. And believe me, if you look IN long enough you lose connection with what is OUTside. You become so independent that it's hard for people to get to you, to know about you. If you don't let them in, they can't hurt you. You are able to keep everyone at arms length. That was my defense, my mechanism for keeping people out and keeping God out. God can't be kept out though.

So when God broke through my independence last fall, I had this new burning desire to be completly dependent on him. I was ready to let Him lead me in all aspects of my life. But when I would experience dry times, times when I wasn't hearing Him clearly, I would revert back to the overly independent me. And I was afraid, almost embarrassed, to talk to my friends about being in a spiritual desert. I just assumed they would think I was slacking, not seeking the Lord with enough effort. This point brings me to 1 Corinthians 12. The body of Christ. I've read this chapter tons of times and I always just assumed "Yeah, we're the body, we gotta work together to further the kingdom here on earth. Each of us has special gifts and purposes. Cool." But something my pastor's wife said the other day shed some new light on this passage. She prayed over me that I would "listen more closely to the body of Christ."

Lightbulb. Being dependent on Christ includes being dependent on the body of Christ. The Lord has surrounded me with people of great faith. They are here to help me. He speaks through them when I can't hear Him clearly. So, I shouldn't be embarrased to ask for their advice. I should want to ask them what they think when Im considering plans for the future, what to do in a tough situation, or even what they think about someone I'm considering dating. I should listen to their opinions and factor them into my decision making. Doing that doesn't mean I don't have a mind of my own. It's just another form of God speaking to me. And if God's speaking, I want to listen.

Week In Review

I've learned alot in the past week. It can be summed up in a single statement:

The richness of our lives is not measured by our achievements. It is the people that are cheering for us as we achieve that make us rich.

Man Im living the high life.

If you're reading this know that I'm a cheerleader for you :)

Comfort

I love being comfortable. Sweatshirts, gym shorts, my bed, warm blankies, laying on the couch with friends and talking forever. I love being comfotable. When you're comfortable you're yourself. The real you comes out. No facades, no first-impressions, no effort really. It's wonderful. If I could be comfortable all the time I would. Home. Home is comfortable too. Or is it? As I've grown up, home (where my parents live) has been losing its comfort a little at a time. The air there gets a little thicker every time I go back. Why? Why has the place where I felt comfortable for so long, with the people I felt comfortable with for so long, now become like sleeping on concrete: uncomfortable. Well, the only conclusion I have reached is that relationships changed. Roles are different now. Im not a child. So the warm, fuzzy striped blanket I hid under as a child can't cover me now. And instead of sewing a new comfy quilt with my parents, so we can all fit under it, I've been trying to hang on to that old blanket; convincing myself that it's still sufficient. It's not.

Summer. That's what this summer is going to be about. Sewing a new quilt of comfort at home. Sure, I might poke myself with the needle a couple of times in the beginning but you can't have comfort without discomfort right? They need each other to exist. And I have magic thread now that I haven't had before: the love of Christ. I hear it's pretty durable. Picked it out at Hobby Lobby myself :) So let the sewing commence.

P.S.-Sorry for all the metephors, I was in a literary mood.

Better Than

John Butler Trio-"Better Than"

There's no day better than today. There's no life better than your own. If you waste time wishing for things you don't have, worrying about tomorrow, or wishing for things in your life to be different you are going to miss out on the people around you. Life's not about what's better than.

"So why, oh why,

Do I look to the other side,

Cause I klnow the grass is greener but

Just as hard to mow" -JBT

"And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don't worry about these things saying "What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:28-34

Too Bad It's Not an Anatomy Book...

So I'd heard there was a book bound in human skin at the UGA library. It's true. I saw it today. Why though? Why would someone use skin to bind a book? Kinda gross right? Well that leads me to what I learned today.

05/14/2010:

I learned that at the time of the French Revolution the trend of binding books in human skin really took off. There are two theories attempting to explain the reasoning behind this:

1) People did it as memorials to dead loved ones. Upon request, you could have your personal memiors bound in your own skin.

2)Or if you were slain by your enemy they might bind a book in your skin as a display of victory.

There is even a skin-bound book out there that clearly shows the person's tattoo haha. Sorry if this grossed you out. I thought it was kinda cool.

Distance

Distance. It seems like some great barrier that can make or break a friendship. I used to think that distance could diminish love or importance, that essentially it was a mechanism of destruction. I thought that distance had some magical power to make people forget our friendship, forget me. I'm realizing that distance is in fact power-less.

God has blessed me with friendships like I've never known before. Friendships that thrive on so much more than proximity. In these friendships, I've realized that my love for people is not sufficient, and it shouldn't be. That's the great thing. By letting God's love be the dominant force in my friendships I've found that they are so much more meaningful. Before, I was loving people only with what I had to give. My own time, acts of service, or money. Never really interceding for them and trying to seek God's heart for them. I was just acting based on what I thought they needed. In those cases, when distance was put between a friend and me, the friendship failed miserably. I beat myself up for o long trying to figure out what I did wrong. Why I was a "forgettable friend." But it wasn't actually me or the distance that made the friendship fail. It was the way I was loving people that was making the friendships crash and burn.

I suddenly realized the problem: My love simply can't span distances like God's love can. His love is all encompassing. It's everywhere, all the time, in every season. Nothing can defeat it. Now, since I've let God's love take center stage in my friendships, I have confidence that nothing can crack the foundations I've built with people. Nothing. And that's a wonderful feeling.

5/12/10

Today I learned:
1) Distance is not a bad thing.
2) Human behavior is often based on our desire to be accepted socially or on our fear of what others think of us. (Maybe tomorrow I'll learn why...)

Cool story: A friend and I were desperately searching for change in my car today so we could go buy $1 ice creams at Hodgson's. We were about to give up when I decided to check my bat bag in the trunk. I found two dollar bills. Thanks Jesus.

Growing Up

"She grows and grows. Days and nights, asleep or awake, happy or sad, michievous or contrite, she grows and grows. One day she needs to run, she feels like wrestling, conquering; another time she would rather hide away and dream and give herself over to melancholy. One day she may desire something passiontely and the next day feel quite disheartened. We should have more respect for the mysteries and fluctuations of the hard business of growing up."-Janusz Korczak

5/11/10-Today I learned:
1) Fresh mushrooms are really good in spaghetti sauce.
2) Sometimes the best way to get to know someone is to become like them for just a second.

Caving In

So...I decided this summer I wanted to document stuff I learned. All too often I go to bed at the end of the day completely unaware of all the knowledge I've gained in the past 24 hours. Some of it could be totally irrelavent but then some of it should be taken to heart. Some of it could be off the wall, never going to have an impact on anyone's life, random but then some of it could be profound, life-changing, re-shaping. I was just gonna journal about it but a blog-obsessed friend convinced me this would be way cooler. So I caved. And here's my blog.

05/10/2010:
1)I learned how to make a blog.
2)I learned that Asians do peace signs in pictures alot because it's hard to photoshop so they can prove they were actually there.
3)I learned that Coke is more than just a drink. It's an international symbol of community. Para todos.