I'm especially happy at this very moment because the smell of evergreen is filling my living room, Nickle Creek is serenading me, my pup is snuggled up next to me, and my dad is snoring away in his chair. Home is good to me right now. I foresee this break being good for me. Nothing to worry about, only fun to be had.
Life is good. We have a tendency to take things way too seriously. I might know this better than some. So I guess my goal this Christmas is to simplify my thoughts and actions. I wanna take people's word exactly the way they tell it to me, I wanna stop analyzing everything, and I wanna be exactly who I was made to be. I just wanna enjoy the simple things like the smell of a Christmas tree, or the sound of a banjo, or just sitting with my parents watching tv (even though they're both already asleep). I wanna experience Jesus in a new way. I think it'll be alot simpler than I've been making it. Just me and Him. My validation is in Him alone.
When I look back, I wanna be able to say that I never took a single thing for granted and that I found myself.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
LIFE
I'm in the process of having a major revelation. It's not one of those things were a light bulb just goes off and you have some crazy wave of clarity. No, this is more like one of those flashlights you have to shake before you turn it on. Yeah yeah. Im shaking things up so I can see the light.
So here's this single statement that I'm beginning to understand:
Live life doing what you love to do.
Simple right? I thought so but not so much. I thought I could love alot of things. What I'm discovering is that I can like alot of things but I can only truely love a few. And I thought I could come to love things that other people love. But that's not really how it works. You can only truely love something when you experience it because you want to experience it. That's when the love is cultivated inside you. When you come to love something completely on your own.
So I think the trick is to figure out what you really love and be really good at it. Even if it's one thing. People are not all-purpose flour. Nope, we're one tiny ingredient in a really complicated recipe. Like nutmeg. Nutmeg can never be salt or basil or chocolate. Nope, nutmeg can only be nutmeg. But what nutmeg needs to realize is that she's very special to the final product.
So do what you love and do it well. Make this life your own.
So here's this single statement that I'm beginning to understand:
Live life doing what you love to do.
Simple right? I thought so but not so much. I thought I could love alot of things. What I'm discovering is that I can like alot of things but I can only truely love a few. And I thought I could come to love things that other people love. But that's not really how it works. You can only truely love something when you experience it because you want to experience it. That's when the love is cultivated inside you. When you come to love something completely on your own.
So I think the trick is to figure out what you really love and be really good at it. Even if it's one thing. People are not all-purpose flour. Nope, we're one tiny ingredient in a really complicated recipe. Like nutmeg. Nutmeg can never be salt or basil or chocolate. Nope, nutmeg can only be nutmeg. But what nutmeg needs to realize is that she's very special to the final product.
So do what you love and do it well. Make this life your own.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Birthday Week!
So today was the start of my birthday week! I'm really bad about milking my birthday for all it's worth. A month after my birthday you'll probably catch me saying "Yes you have to do that for me, it's my birthday." I stretch it out for as long as I can. Especially this one cause I'm turning 21!!!! Wahooooooo! This is like the last happy milestone. After this you're birthdays really only signify the fact you're aging. 30, 40, 50....groooosssss. So yeah, I'll definitely be dragging this one out.
I bought myself a handheld gps yesterday in honor of the occasion. It was #96 on the list I believe. I've been wanting this device for quite some time now. This is not like a car gps, it's the kind you plug coordinates into. You know, latitude and longitude (pronounced lat-it-tatude and long-it-tude according to my scholarly roomate). Sole purpose: geocaching!!!! It's basically high-tech treasure hunting. You enter coordinates found on the official geocaching website into your gps and then go out and find the caches. It's pretty much awesome. So today we went on our first geocaching excursion in Athens! We found 2/4. Not too bad for our first adventure. I see this becoming a serious hobby among me and my friends. At least I hope it does.
This week shall prove to be crazy. First test of the semester tomorrow (don't even wanna talk about my lack of preperation), second test Wednesday, John Mayer concert Wednesday night (oh yeeeessssss. I have a pretty great best friend), birthday dinner on Thursday followed by dessert and dancing, more dancing Friday, and the prospect of a very spontaneous activity on Saturday (it's a secret). And geocaching in between alllllll that. Happy Birthday to me :)
I bought myself a handheld gps yesterday in honor of the occasion. It was #96 on the list I believe. I've been wanting this device for quite some time now. This is not like a car gps, it's the kind you plug coordinates into. You know, latitude and longitude (pronounced lat-it-tatude and long-it-tude according to my scholarly roomate). Sole purpose: geocaching!!!! It's basically high-tech treasure hunting. You enter coordinates found on the official geocaching website into your gps and then go out and find the caches. It's pretty much awesome. So today we went on our first geocaching excursion in Athens! We found 2/4. Not too bad for our first adventure. I see this becoming a serious hobby among me and my friends. At least I hope it does.
This week shall prove to be crazy. First test of the semester tomorrow (don't even wanna talk about my lack of preperation), second test Wednesday, John Mayer concert Wednesday night (oh yeeeessssss. I have a pretty great best friend), birthday dinner on Thursday followed by dessert and dancing, more dancing Friday, and the prospect of a very spontaneous activity on Saturday (it's a secret). And geocaching in between alllllll that. Happy Birthday to me :)
Monday, August 23, 2010
Just Go.
Just Go. Stop worrying. I will equip you and clothe you in warrior's armor. You'll never be disappointed if you stick with me. I'm faithful. So faithful. Just Go, says the Lord. Trust.
Recent conversations have made me aware of the fact that I sometimes allow my past to govern my hopes for the future. My fear of abandonment leaves me feeling insecure and anxious. I find myself internalizing little details that mean nothing. I fear that what worries me won't cause my friend to think twice. I find myself always planning because if I don't people wont call. All of these thoughts put more links in the chains that suffocate my joy.
I'm fighting right now. Really hard. And He's screaming at me to just go. To run. Run away from these lies. So I'm not just shadowboxing, I run with purpose in every step.
Be the rock on the edge of the cliff. Just Go.
This one is just for me. No understanding necessary.
Recent conversations have made me aware of the fact that I sometimes allow my past to govern my hopes for the future. My fear of abandonment leaves me feeling insecure and anxious. I find myself internalizing little details that mean nothing. I fear that what worries me won't cause my friend to think twice. I find myself always planning because if I don't people wont call. All of these thoughts put more links in the chains that suffocate my joy.
I'm fighting right now. Really hard. And He's screaming at me to just go. To run. Run away from these lies. So I'm not just shadowboxing, I run with purpose in every step.
Be the rock on the edge of the cliff. Just Go.
This one is just for me. No understanding necessary.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The Furnace
Ok, so it's been a while. A long while. My apologies. Im just going through a season where I can't really talk about all the things going on inside of me. It's not that I don't what to it's that I do not possess the ability to do so. I can't convey things in a way that does them justice so I just don't. But I feel like writing this post may be a good start, so here it goes...
Summer. It's a day away from being over. Wow. It changed me. My mentality, my daily posture, my thought process, my approach to problems and people. All drastically different. A friend told me that I was the most gold personality that she knows. (For those of you that don't know, gold represents someone who is routine oriented, efficient, analytical, and stable.) I couldn't agree more. In layman's terms, I have a tendency to overthink and plan way too much. This summer started a revolution. A revolution of fighting the planner in me. A revolution of fighting my desire for stability and acceptance and practicality. I was throw into a group of people that I didn't know and that didn't know me. But God revealed a gift He's given me through that situation. When I put my gaurd down and let people in and just "go with the flow," I make friends really easily. Awesome friends.
I learned alot about being vulnerable this summer. That's all I can say right now.
I learned alot about battling and seeking.
I found people that wanted to be my family. Thank you WH and LOTH.
I learned that I am not dependant on Him the way I need to be.
I learned what having a servant's heart really means. It's a work in progress.
And I learned, above all else, that He is faithful. So so faithful. Even when I can't see through my own skepticism.
Communication with friends from school was limited and it needed to be that way. It made me realize that I let them lead me sometimes when He wants to lead me. Not ok. I blazed my own trail this summer. Hacking through a jungle of fear and frustration by yourself will teach you how to rely on God. Now Im surrounded by my friends once again. But Im having alot of trouble stepping out of the jungle mentality. Things are different and Im adjusting. I'll get there.
He put me through a furnace this summer. Refining me and showing me the person He desires me to be. I think this year is going to be a continuation of that refinement process. He's been so good, so so good to me! Cause He picked me up and He turned me around and He placed my feet on that solid ground. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
My soul is flooded with joy :)
#24-Our house is a home :) Funny what a little paint can do.
#83-Thank you Anne Harper for allowing me to tangle your hair in the process.
#86-My Karis journal might be the best thing Im bringing back from the summer.
Summer. It's a day away from being over. Wow. It changed me. My mentality, my daily posture, my thought process, my approach to problems and people. All drastically different. A friend told me that I was the most gold personality that she knows. (For those of you that don't know, gold represents someone who is routine oriented, efficient, analytical, and stable.) I couldn't agree more. In layman's terms, I have a tendency to overthink and plan way too much. This summer started a revolution. A revolution of fighting the planner in me. A revolution of fighting my desire for stability and acceptance and practicality. I was throw into a group of people that I didn't know and that didn't know me. But God revealed a gift He's given me through that situation. When I put my gaurd down and let people in and just "go with the flow," I make friends really easily. Awesome friends.
I learned alot about being vulnerable this summer. That's all I can say right now.
I learned alot about battling and seeking.
I found people that wanted to be my family. Thank you WH and LOTH.
I learned that I am not dependant on Him the way I need to be.
I learned what having a servant's heart really means. It's a work in progress.
And I learned, above all else, that He is faithful. So so faithful. Even when I can't see through my own skepticism.
Communication with friends from school was limited and it needed to be that way. It made me realize that I let them lead me sometimes when He wants to lead me. Not ok. I blazed my own trail this summer. Hacking through a jungle of fear and frustration by yourself will teach you how to rely on God. Now Im surrounded by my friends once again. But Im having alot of trouble stepping out of the jungle mentality. Things are different and Im adjusting. I'll get there.
He put me through a furnace this summer. Refining me and showing me the person He desires me to be. I think this year is going to be a continuation of that refinement process. He's been so good, so so good to me! Cause He picked me up and He turned me around and He placed my feet on that solid ground. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
My soul is flooded with joy :)
#24-Our house is a home :) Funny what a little paint can do.
#83-Thank you Anne Harper for allowing me to tangle your hair in the process.
#86-My Karis journal might be the best thing Im bringing back from the summer.
#105 from the expanded list-Happening tomorrow :)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Praise The Lord
Psalms 111-117 all begin with some form of thanking God and end with the phrase "Praise the Lord."
Sometimes that's all I know to say. Nothing else I could say would be of any worth. And I've certainly learned that rambling in prayer is like seeing the same commercial over and over and over again. Pretty soon, you can recite all the dialogue in the commercial. When I ramble, prayer becomes like commercial dialogue. Old, boring, and I don't really pay attention to what I'm saying. So I decided: When I have nothing to pray, I'll simply choose to praise. Catchy don't you think?
#74-You stand on one side of a river with a fox, a chicken, and a bag of grain. Using a small boat you must transport all these things across the river. You can only take one item at a time. The problem is you can't leave the fox with the chicken while you take the grain because the chicken will get eaten by the fox. And you can't leave the grain with the chicken while you take the fox because the chicken will eat the grain. How do you get the fox, the chicken, and the grain across the river intact and alive?
Got it all by myself :)
Sometimes that's all I know to say. Nothing else I could say would be of any worth. And I've certainly learned that rambling in prayer is like seeing the same commercial over and over and over again. Pretty soon, you can recite all the dialogue in the commercial. When I ramble, prayer becomes like commercial dialogue. Old, boring, and I don't really pay attention to what I'm saying. So I decided: When I have nothing to pray, I'll simply choose to praise. Catchy don't you think?
#74-You stand on one side of a river with a fox, a chicken, and a bag of grain. Using a small boat you must transport all these things across the river. You can only take one item at a time. The problem is you can't leave the fox with the chicken while you take the grain because the chicken will get eaten by the fox. And you can't leave the grain with the chicken while you take the fox because the chicken will eat the grain. How do you get the fox, the chicken, and the grain across the river intact and alive?
Got it all by myself :)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Oh Yeah, #43
I forgot. I got a new haircut. Im pretty satisfied with it. I've been experimenting. Straight, curly, headband, bandana, up, down. So far I like it all :)
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